IT#11 Winnie-the-Pooh climbs a corporate ladder
This article is an illustration of what I was talking about in IT#5 devoted to corporate parasites.
When I was a child I really loved the books about Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne. But now, after decades in the world of large corporations, they sound a little different for me… Let's read, for example, the chapter "Chapter VIII In Which Christopher Robin Leads An Expotition To The North Pole", where the Hundred Acre Wood is a corporation, Christopher Robin is a C-level exec, and Winnie-the-Pooh is an employee.
In the first sentence we see that Pooh actively cared about maintaining friendly relationships with C-level execs and visibility with them:
One fine day Pooh had stumped up to the top of the Forest to see if his friend Christopher Robin was interested in Bears at all.
More than that, he was very receptive to non-verbal signals and demonstrated readiness to support the management plans whatever they are:
Christopher Robin was sitting outside his door, putting on his Big Boots. As soon as he saw the Big Boots, Pooh knew that an Adventure was going to happen, and he brushed the honey off his nose with the back of his paw, and spruced himself up as well as he could, so as to look Ready for Anything.
He also eagerly showed the upper management how smarter they are over him:
"Going on an Expotition?" said Pooh eagerly. "I don't think I've ever been on one of those. Where are we going to on this Expotition?"
"Expedition, silly old Bear. It's got an 'x' in it."
And even though he did not understood a thing, he still supported the management idea:
"Oh!" said Pooh. "I know." But he didn't really.
Even despite the fact that the management was not sure himself what exactly he plans to do:
"It's just a thing you discover," said Christopher Robin carelessly, not being quite sure himself.
And Pooh instantly proposed himself as a candidate:
"Oh! I see," said Pooh. "Are bears any good at discovering it?"
Of course, Christopher Robin would not be a C-level exec if he would fall for Pooh's ploy and put him ahead of others:
"Of course they are. And Rabbit and Kanga and all of you. It's an Expedition. That's what an Expedition means. A long line of everybody."
But he immediately utilized an employee enthusiasm and ordered:
"You'd better tell the others to get ready, while I see if my gun's all right."
And Pooh instantly grabs the opportunity and gets on it:
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions. I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.
And then he came to Rabbit:
"Yes. And we've got to bring Pro—things to eat with us. In case we want to eat them. Now I'm going down to Piglet's. Tell Kanga, will you?"
He left Rabbit and hurried down to Piglet's house.
This deserves special attention. In those two lines Pooh:
He showed that he was in a hurry.
He passed an unclear goal set by the management: "And we've got to bring Pro—"
He indicated his own contribution: "I'm going down to Piglet's"
And he delegated some work: "Tell Kanga, will you?"
Now, picking Rabbit as the first participant was a really good choice. Let's see:
He instantly accepted a vague management wish without any real questions:
"We are, are we?" said Rabbit.He's brought a lot of others into the action:
…and, at the end, in a long line, all Rabbit's friends-and-relations.And he immediately put them in a place as unimportant:
"I didn't ask them," explained Rabbit carelessly. "They just came. They always do."And established a pecking order:
"They can march at the end, after Eeyore."While putting himself on top, except a C-level exec, of course:
"We're starting," said Rabbit. "I must go." And he hurried off to the front of the Expotition with Christopher Robin.
Speaking of a pecking order, he put Chrostpher Robin, Pooh and, of course, himself on top and Eeyore at the bottom, but did not forgot to give him someone to shout on:
"Hush!" said Christopher Robin turning round to Pooh, "we're just coming to a Dangerous Place."
"Hush!" said Pooh turning round quickly to Piglet.
"Hush!" said Piglet to Kanga.
"Hush!" said Kanga to Owl, while Roo said "Hush!" several times to himself very quietly.
"Hush!" said Owl to Eeyore.
"Hush!" said Eeyore in a terrible voice to all Rabbit's friends-and-relations, and "Hush!" they said hastily to each other all down the line, until it got to the last one of all.
At this moment C-level exec stupid idea came to a dead end. Christopher Robin clearly did not know what to do, so he turned to a common solution - a group dinner as a delay to make any decisions:
"I think," said Christopher Robin, "that we ought to eat all our Provisions now, so that we shan't have so much to carry."
Notice that Pooh takes that idea with enthusiasm and does not forget to support a social pecking order by sitting on the dinner of the last one:
"That's a good idea," said Pooh, and he got to work too.
"Have you all got something?" asked Christopher Robin with his mouth full.
"All except me," said Eeyore. "As Usual." He looked round at them in his melancholy way. "I suppose none of you are sitting on a thistle by any chance?"
"I believe I am," said Pooh. "Ow!" He got up, and looked behind him. "Yes, I was. I thought so."
"Thank you, Pooh. If you've quite finished with it." He moved across to Pooh's place, and began to eat.
But Christopher Robin was still at a dead end, so he turned to an expert, a highly rewarded IC, sort if an architect, who is, of course, Rabbit:
As soon as he had finished his lunch Christopher Robin whispered to Rabbit, and Rabbit said "Yes, yes, of course," and they walked a little way up the stream together.
"I didn't want the others to hear," said Christopher Robin.
"Quite so," said Rabbit, looking important.
"It's—I wondered—It's only—Rabbit, I suppose you don't know, What does the North Pole look like?"
"Well," said Rabbit, stroking his whiskers. "Now you're asking me."
"I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten," said Christopher Robin carelessly.
"It's a funny thing," said Rabbit, "but I've sort of forgotten too, although I did know once."
"I suppose it's just a pole stuck in the ground?"
"Sure to be a pole," said Rabbit, "because of calling it a pole, and if it's a pole, well, I should think it would be sticking in the ground, shouldn't you, because there'd be nowhere else to stick it."
"Yes, that's what I thought."
"The only thing," said Rabbit, "is, where is it sticking?"
"That's what we're looking for," said Christopher Robin.
Now, finally, C-level exec got an idea of what all those resources, he grabbed, are looking for - a pole sticking out of the ground. It still was at a dead end, but it was something. And now the expedition got a distraction: Roo fell into water. Now Pooh does something useful:
But Pooh was getting something. Two pools below Roo he was standing with a long pole in his paws, and Kanga came up and took one end of it, and between them they held it across the lower part of the pool; and Roo, still bubbling proudly, "Look at me swimming," drifted up against it, and climbed out.
And here our C-level exec Christopher Robin comes with a brilliant solution:
But Christopher Robin wasn't listening. He was looking at Pooh.
"Pooh," he said, "where did you find that pole?"
Pooh looked at the pole in his hands.
"I just found it," he said. "I thought it ought to be useful. I just picked it up."
"Pooh," said Christopher Robin solemnly, "the Expedition is over. You have found the North Pole!"
Yes, that's what they usually do. If you cannot reach a solution, fake it! With confidence, with a straight face, just fake it!
So, here is the summary of what Christopher Robin did:
He came up with a stupid idea without any technical knowledge on how to approach it.
He picked a few buddies as "leaders" and made them to mobilize the resources.
He let them establish a pecking order.
In fact he mobilized a lot more resources that was needed for the task, just to make it a big effort.
When he found himself at a dead end, he tried to make one of his "leaders" responsible.
Then he faked the success,
and then declared a victory and rewarded Pooh who did nothing of a sort.
Of course, you can say that these are Christopher Robin's toys and he can play with them any games he wants. And this is true. I only find it peculiar that he plays these games with them. The games that feel familiar from my experience with large corporations.
Comments
Post a Comment